some sadness

The real reason I haven't been blogging lately - I was preoccupied with a pregnancy that seemed a little troubled for a while. Steve and I were hoping today we would get to share good news of a pregnancy but it turns out that the baby does not have a heartbeat. There was some growth since the last appointment but there was no little "bump-bump" motion that I usually can see quickly. We knew something was up this weekend when I started cramping and bleeding. I am tired and anxious to complete this phase and be able to move on I know that things are supposed to work a certain way in everyone's life and this is one of the low parts of the roller-coaster. I love the high points of the coaster but the thing is that you never get to stay up at the top forever, you have to go down, and then back up. Funny how you always end up at the starting point and its really up to you as to whether or not you get back on the ride. We know long term that we will try again, but right now its time to go have a funnel cake and rest on the bench. Mmmm funnel cake...